EmmaRahimah

The Day You've Pushed Me to My Wits End

2011-10-12T07:21:00.001-07:00

Am i suppose to be understanding?
The hurt is just overwhelming.
I'm sorry if i'm being rude but i simply can't take it.
Why i your attitude like this?
I learn to forgive and forget and that is what i have been doing.
However, i can't stand the look on your face.
It's just something that i tolerated too long.
Today, i finally burst into tears.
I was not supposed to be at fault.
You are suppose to handle your own things.
If you do not want people to call you, why don't you disconnect the telephone line?
I know it's a sin that i'm feeling like this towards you.
But to me, i'm not wrong here.
I hate it when you threatens,
When you show your anger,
when you complain to others,
when you made my name rusty.
Don't blame me if i've muted myself towards you.
Don't blame me if i've turned myself against you.
Don't blame me if it's hard for me to show my emotions towards you.
And don't blame me for this, i simply don't like you.
If i could say i hate you, i would.
But to me, hate is too strong.
No matter what, you're an elder and i shall respect that.
but tbh, you don't deserve it at all.
I'm sorry. But i'll continue being like this.

The Day you

2011-10-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

2010-08-19T04:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday
Yesterday,one word:GEYLANG
I cant believe i spent half my day yesterday at Geylang.
My mom wants me to follow along to Geylang until it was time for us to break fast.
We had our dinner at Chai Chee Restaurant.
Well, had a blast.
Hahaha.
Wait, did i mention i wanted to lose weight?
Okay, that's after yesterday.
haha.
Anyway, after that we went to CS.
Slack for a while than home(:
Today
Nothing much to say.
Im listless today.
Broke fast all by myself.
Before that i tweeted yayan.
Then he called to ask me to break fast with him and a few others i guess.
But it was too last minute and plus my mom have already cooked.
Though i was breaking fast alone.
Thanks anyway yan(:
That's all.
Now, i have nothing to do with the comp or anything else.
Seriously listless.
Gosh!
Nevermind,i'm out.

Random Night

2010-08-17T06:23:00.000-07:00

Woke up, felt so lost.
No one was home.
Great.
I spend my day today doing random things.
Watch random vids.
Listen random musics.
Think of random things.
And above all, here is the most random thing that i have been thinking about.
Shall I seriously go and lose weight?
I have no idea why but half my heart feels like while the other half don't feel like.
Reason being is that, what's the point for losing weight?
Will that make me happy?
Hais.
But I have a goal in life.
To be able to lose weight and take up dancing as a hobby.
Shall i do it?
Im in dilemma.
Lose weight? Don't lose? Lose? Don't?
Crap, told ya today is a random night along with random post.

EmmaIsConfused

KPOP

2010-08-16T09:29:00.000-07:00

I LOVE KPOP

2010-07-15T07:32:00.000-07:00

I went home today and go out with my mom to get presentation clothes.
I feel damn tired and irritated with many things.
Also, things are confusing and I have no one to rely on.
Apart from my school, I'm confused by other things.
Hais, why are things so complicated?
I wish things are simple so I can get it straight.
Hais, I give up.
If your msg pops out at my phone, it would really brighten up my day.

Wishing that you noticed

2010-06-29T05:29:00.000-07:00
I'm feeling extremely upset right now.
What have i done wrong?
My grandmother has drive me to my wits end.
Do i look so much like a rotten granddaughter?
I dont smoke
I dont drink
I dont go home late
I dont have a boyfriend.
All the things that are not duppose to be done by a girl that much are all the thing that i never did.
Must you judge me by the way i behave at home.
I admit that i really dont want to have conver with you that much.
It's not about being rude.
It's about how topicless will it be if i were to talk to you.
If you ask me question, i answer.
But hell you just pissed me.
You were the one who could not hear me and you still dare to call me jahat?
"Die ni memang jahat"
What rights do you have to say that to me?
I did nothing wrong and this is how you judge me?
I dont care if you favour my brother more than me cause it din mattered.
But dont judge me the way i'm not.
It's just not fair.
You ignore or hate me all you can, dont judge me wrongly.
You're telling everyone of your friends that i'm the most rude and unfilial granddaughter you had.
But you're wrong.
I'm not the one doing the bad things but you are.
It's your problem if you're coming home late, not coming home, going out, not cooking or anything.
You don't have to tell me or call me and pretend that you care.
You cant tell me what to do cause what i'm doing is not wrong to anyone but only in your eyes.
I can pretend that i'm fine.
But deep inside, i really prefer that you don't care.
Now after that phrase,my tears kept flowing.
I never want to get emotional when it involves you because i dont feel worth it.
But that phrase really showed me how much you have badmouthed me.
It's not fair.
As long as Tuhan sahaje yang tahu.
I know i did not do anything wrong.
It's up to you to say whatever you want.
I give up.
I'm so sad right now.
I've never been so sad.
My tears kept flowing.
If only i have a listening ear who would console me.
Then again, i aint that lucky.
Going through this and being badmouthed on my own.
I'm hurting like crazy.

2010-06-29T00:23:00.000-07:00
Hey guys, i'm back. Just so you know i nearly deleted this blog.
But nvm, heckcare.
When i feel like updating, i will.

So the story goes like this,
It's been a while since i forgot someone.
Now, i think i'm liking someone.
I tried to restrain myself but i cant.
How?
Whatsmore this person is someone that i have not met for years.
Long years.
It's like invincible feelings.
We contacted not long ago.
Sweet talks!
That made me like him.
I hate sweet talks. I just wonder if it's sincere or not.
Crap! Seriously sweet talks coming from him made me betray myself.
I think it's wrong to like him.
It'll be extremely weird.
Should i not expect much?
But i always want to see his text message coming in.
Pop in front of my screen.
I want to talk to him.
But i cant.
He's always fading, clear, fading, clear.
We contacted a few months ago.
Stop contacting.
Contacted yesterday.
Aint replying today.
So how?
I wonder if he's playing.
I hope not.
I don't want to be hurt anymore.
Life is just not fair for me in terms of feelings.
I just want to feel impotant and i havent got to feel.
I aint desperate but lonely.
His messages made me throw all the above away.
But when he fades, i kept waiting.
Then again i made the first move.
He said to text him anytime i want, he'll reply.
But so far havent.
He said to call him if he never reply.
But what's the point?
It'll make it seems like i want your full attention on me.
No, i'm not going that way.
I just want it to be normal.
Then you text me, we no longer use KA.
We're using IU.
What does this means?
Is it just a normal conver with IU or something else?
I'm confuse.
I simply wished that you're not playing with me.
I don't want to get hurt.
The feeling is just unbearable.
I went through once and i had enough.
Though i smiled, i was sad.
I told you before about my love life.
U told me u understand.
I wish you show me u understand.
Just tell me you're not playing then i'll be happy enough.
I don't expect much.

If you're not playing, tell me you're not joking either

Walking down the path,

2010-05-18T05:00:00.000-07:00
When i walked my way home,
I felt so lonely and everything around me was quiet.
How i wish there'll be someone to walk home with me,
Feeling so lonely when i walked all by myself.
Finally, you're gone-

It goes on && on

2010-05-15T05:07:00.000-07:00
Though it's Saturday, i'm not blogging about today.
Instead, i'm going to blog about yesterday.
Nothing to blog anyway.
I had lunch with half of my class at tamp.
We ate Pastamania together but the boys hit the highclass section.
Ahax, they ate at phin something something.
After that as usual, hit class.
We were late somehow.
In class, a few enjoyed eating.
We ate chips, chocopie and giant pocky!
Hahaha, but the teacher seems oblivious about it.
She just ignored though she saw.
Then we were all facebooking instead of listening.
However, we understand what she was trying to teach luh.
After all that, i decided to go home.
Saw fabian and asked him if he's going home.
He said yes and we decided to go home together since we take the same bus.
Then we i alight from bus, i had to wait for another bus but it was not in sight.
Guess what? I walked home from there.
I decided to walk home from the 69 bus stop all the way home as it wont take long.
And my bus fare wont be wasted.
Hahahaha!
Then when i reach home, i was super bored.
Though of doing some work, but the body is not allowing.
It forced me to stare at the computer all the way.
So i had no choice but to play comp all the way.
HEHEHE, then had a long talk with Joleen!
Today she got church.
Her exams is coming, Good Luck babe(:
That's all uh.
For today, i did not go out so i have nothing to blog about.

I wish you'd understand me but somehow,u don't!

Just updating!

2010-05-11T09:10:00.000-07:00
Let's start with, ermm school bah?
Well, first thing first, i got lost to go for tutorial class-.-
Stupid, so unclear.
Then had business accounts class.
Not boring, it's fine but kinda confuse.
Also, the class very quiet.
And the room very cold.
But then, when go out already, bloody hot.
Hhahaha,
Then had lecture,microecons.
Not bad but damn sleepy.
Had no idea why i was super sleepy.
I kept accidentally shut my eyes.
Hahaha! OMG, i need to buck up.
After that had a meeting with my group, we discussed a little and dazed a lot!
Afterall, we decided to research and combine effort so reached home around 3.
Had a long shower, rested for half an hour on the bed with my iphone.
Then do some homework.
Then, switched on the comp.
Started to do some research which eventually killed me half way.
&&&&& I seriously am losing my mind in COMM SKILLS.
I thought i wont have to do anymore essays when i entered business school.
Shoots la!
Chatted with a lot of people through msn.
Keep complaining with them about how irritated i was with comm skills.
And, they agreeed with me too.
At around 10.30, had a long talk with yayan.
We were catching up with each other's life.
After talking for very long, i asked him whether he's tired and wanna hang up nots?
He replied me saying, i have to teman you la.
Lol, then we hung up at 12am cause we both are tired.
Then he asked me to sleep.
But here i am blogging.
Actually i had nothing to talk about so i'm just posting whatever happened today.

I thought you were going to make a move, but i was wrong

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T08:17:00.000-07:00

Firstly, happy mother's day to my mom.
Well, today i went to have a meal at Fish and Co with my brother and my mom.
We celebrate mother's day in a simple way.
Then we had to go LPS because Cik Anon wants us too.
I thought going there was to celebrate Mother's day but instead it was like a working day!
I had to help and it was seriously busy.
Many things pissed me especially this few customers that have no patience.
I wish i could just give them raw satays!
Haha, niway then i took a ride home with a few of my cousins.
Well, i was happy to meet my cousins.
Especially shahrul!
Hahaha, and Faisal looked so diff.
I promised that i will try to look for him in school.
He even scolded me because i ignored him whenever he tried to call for me.
Hahah, when in the car arul kept disturbing me in every way.
Today was a great day but i was again feeling extremely lazy for tmrw's school.
My test is drawing near and i am freaking out big time!
I need to study!
Damn!
Someone help me!
I dont want test and i dont want to go to school!
But i need to do well!
Ugh!

2010-03-25T14:19:00.000-07:00
Hello people, sorry for not updating for so long.
Well, i simply thought that no one is reading so there is no need for me to update anything.
Plus, i've been lazy to update.
What i remembered so far is that i went out with Afifah yesterday.
It was a last minute plan but it was fine.
However, we both agree that the outing was kind of boring as we had no plans. We simply keep walking and window shopping which is a pain to me.
I prefer shopping with money in my hand.
However, due to not working anymore, the money i had now simply disappeared.
I only bought a present for my darling nephew who turned just turned 2 yesterday.
I love him so much.
Then we slacked in Macdonald.
I was feeling so sleepy that my eyes kept drooping.
Afifah was pissed off at me who was sleepy.
She kept tickling me.
Then everything ended with us going home at around 5 i think.
She came over to my house and we did nothing but to surf the net.
Then she left to meet someone else.
That was how yesterdaywas.
Today, i played comp and my internet stopped working.
I felt like throwing the comp at that moment.
Gosh. However, i did something that managed to make it work. If not how i update right now.
I also discovered a very funny game!
Damn fun. Hahaha.
Next, i love korea's entertainment shows.
I'm falling in love with the idols there.
I wish to be there.
Haiss, i need talent.
Hahaha(:
K la, dats all.
I miss this someone who seems to be fading.
Haizzz. Feeling so lonely without your msgs.
Ugh, whatever.
Toodles, emma outz!

2010-03-05T07:07:00.000-08:00
Hello people(:
As you can see, i have deleted all my previous posts as i thought the past is the past.
Moving forward now.
Anticipating some things and forgetting some things at the same time.
First and foremost, i would like to thank this person for allowing me to like him.
This is the last post i'm writing about you and after this, you're my history.
If you were to read this, pretend that you don't.
Seriously speaking, i find it weird myself to like you in the first place but i never regretted.
Maybe there's something about you that i'm fond of at that time.
I really had some happy moments with you.
I cherish your gifts and everything.
But now, i'm saying goodbye.
I need to stop hanging.
Moving on now.
A goodbye from me not as a friend but as someone who once liked you.
If you read, remember to pretend that you didn't.
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Next, I'm into Korean! I swear(: Hahaha. I am seriously randomly updating as i felt like talking.
I think that this blog is dead but i'm trying to make it alive back. Haiz. Okay that's all. I need a candy. Damn! I'm liking JK big time(: